The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
should my penis look like a turkey
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
