Your face is a jimmy john
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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