Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize