I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
