Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
