Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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