who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
my liver is dry heaving
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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