can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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