Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize