she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
