You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
