just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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