I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
