That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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