Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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