hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
