Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
