I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
do herpes really smell.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
