I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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