clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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