Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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