is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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