I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think your dad took our porno
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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