is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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