I cockslap morals
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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