Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
