Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
