omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
