im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
