first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
