omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
