Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
