i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
try to milk me bitch
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
