cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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