Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Text me some of your sweat
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