I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
