the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
