Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
