Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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