and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
