Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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