Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize