just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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