...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
