Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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