So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
