i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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