i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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