oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My vagina just recognized that song.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
