I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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