its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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