Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
