So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
