Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
