The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
