remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
