Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize