yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
