i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just want nice things and good sex
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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