I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
