He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
