Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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