I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm too high and old for this...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
