; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
