you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
