The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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