there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize