Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
