it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
