Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dicks are not precious.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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