I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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