Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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