Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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