GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
