Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
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