i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
