I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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