Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
