Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
