yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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