I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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