My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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