She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize