My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize