Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
